If I could tell you, I would tell you this.
I would tell you that I’m not happy. I put on a brave face because I’m supposed to. I get through and do what’s expected of me because I’m supposed to. But underneath I’m holding on by a thread.
I would tell you I’m scared. Scared of the future and what that holds for us.
I would tell you I feel lost. I feel lonely.
I would tell you I don’t know what’s going on in your life, who your friends are.
I would tell you that I hate how you keep your lives so separate.
I would tell you that I don’t feel good enough for you or your new life. Not smart enough or something else.
I would tell you that I don’t think you are being as good of a friend as I am.
I would tell you that every day I struggle with anxiety and I feel the depression sinking back in.
I would tell you that I feel like I am losing you.
I would tell you that I don’t feel this friendship reciprocated. Something’s missing.
I would tell you I’m worried.
I would tell you to try a little harder.
I would tell you that I love you and don’t want to lose you.

So lost right now. And don’t know which way is up and not sure of what to do. I wish I could talk to you but I am not sure if that is a good idea. And that scares me even more, because I have NEVER been scared to talk to you. Where is our friendship going?

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