I’ve been hitting new emotional lows lately. I just can’t seem to find the motivation for school. I truly can’t wait till December 14th. I am tired of classes that contribute nothing to my life. I want to work directly with clients. It is so hard to go to class, pay attention, do homework and study for them when my heart is just not in it. I have a taste of real life at my job and I love it. I would rather work 40 hours a week there than go to 4 classes.

So needless to say, this hasn’t been very good for my anxiety. I can’t find motivation so I blow things off, then I beat myself up for it. That’s when my anxiety kicks in. Telling me anything and everything about how I am going to fail. But then I also tell myself “tomorrow” or “this weekend,” when really when those times comes I have lots of other things to do or I just keep blowing things off.

I am just not loving myself right now. I don’t like how I am behaving when it comes to school. I have a negative attitude and that’s just not me. I used to put my all into school. I also have never procrastinated. I want to get back to my normal self. But I am struggling with how to get there.

So I’m going to start with this. A list. Because organization is how I can control my life and it’s what I know best. I am going to try to stick to this list, focus on it. Because then maybe I’ll get myself back on track.

1. Get to sleep earlier. Have a routine. Watch tv or read, but no tv right before sleep. Light a candle. Drink sleepytime tea or listen to my guided imagery. I need to remember that sleep is very important to me and my anxiety and stress are usually very high at that time. I need to take this time for myself for a mental break.

2.Try and wake up with a positive attitude. Don’t start my day thinking of all the crappy things I have to do. Focus on at least one positive thing that is coming that day.

3. Make a list of things that need to get done and stick to it. STICK TO IT.

That’s all I can think of right now, but this is a start. I have always had to overcome my inner critic, but I especially am hating myself right now. And I want to get away from that. I want to at least like myself.

So I’ll leave you with this picture. And this I need to remember. It is fall now, and I can move forward and get back on track.

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